All or Nothing

Power Exchange: Pesky Real Life and Feasible Dreams

An essay about living a 24/7 BDSM relationship by Liz Black X
The dynamics within a Power Exchange D/s can be compared to the power of waves in nature
Photo by Tim Marshall on Unsplash

Early on, I have acknowledged and accepted my submission. For the longest time, I craved having a sexual Dominant male in my life.
In my dreams, I would give up everything. Without a clear picture of how this would impact my life, I wanted to surrender my all to the Master of my dreams.
Life doesn’t work that way. So I adapted my dreams and wishes and settled for a more liveable solution. Today, I am living in my perfect 24/7 D/s life, though it’s nothing like those first fantasies.

It Will Resurface

For years, I was in a vanilla relationship. A sexless vanilla relationship. During this time, my BDSM feelings started to come back. It’s one of those things: you can try to suppress them for a while, but they won’t be ignored.
I tried to soothe these desires with reading and writing BDSM stories and talking to some people online. In the end, I decided this wasn’t going to do it for me, and I really needed more. After long consideration, I left my boyfriend and moved out.

Room to Breathe – and Fantasise

The sense of freedom was overwhelming. Finally, I could give way to all my BDSM fantasies. No, I didn’t go out to meet many people, but I did fantasize to my heart’s content, and I talked with many men online. My submissive side went wild with all the possibilities I now once again had.
As said in the introduction, I dreamed of giving up everything, of living in full service, of being used and commanded at whatever time of day.


One of the men I met online was my now-husband. We met on, which is now, and we shared many fantasies. We first only conversed over the phone, later in real life too.
My husband says he remembers thinking there could be no end to our D/s, that he had found the perfect submissive who would soon obey his every command. Since that had been my desire too, we were an ideal match.

Life Happened

But then life happened. Pesky real life. In a matter of three years, we both lost significant family members, and I had health issues.
The relationship between my husband and me grew stronger, but our D/s dwindled. We just didn’t have any energy and peace of mind to invest in a life of BDSM. Not that it vanished altogether. My husband is too much of a dominant for that, and I’m too submissive. But we mostly had small interactions during the day and real playtime once every couple of months.
Neither of us can live without BDSM, and so we always came back to it.

That’s Not Us, or Is It?

One day we were talking with a friend about a 24/7 lifestyle. He mentioned playing outside, as in small touches or looks while shopping. We said: that’s what we do already.
He mentioned having rules about the house, like the submissive preparing food and drinks.
We said: that’s what we do.
He continued with a few more examples, and that’s when we realized: we are already in a 24/7. We just never formalized it.

Safe and Sane

And so, after addressing a few of my hesitations, we are now in an official 24/7 D/s.
Very little changed. My Dominant stresses that I should use my safe words.
He loves the power he now holds over me so that he can order me to assume any position at any time or command me to the bedroom for a random spanking.
I’m not always happy with it, but deep down, it satisfies my submissive needs. It’s just my stubborn side who likes to protest.
We keep things sane. I still have time to work, and my husband keeps that in mind when giving me random commands.

Real 24/7

So it may not be as extreme as it once was in my fantasies, but to us, it’s a realistic and feasible expression of our D/s. I still have freedom, my husband can express his dominance, and we live happily ever after. At the very least it’s our happily ever after.



  1. I totally understand the difference between fantasy and reality but the real treasure is when you have a partner who you can create your own version of reality with…. and like you say, live happily ever after ❤

  2. Oh yes – the stubborn side can sometimes be difficult to overcome – and that is prob why a D’s relationship works well for stubborn people – because the D will work at getting past this hurdle 😉

    1. Oh yes. He sometimes complains about my stubbornness, but then I just reply with a big smile: “That’s why you love me” ?
      He wouldn’t want it any other way.

  3. Your relationship sounds very like our own dynamic. For us, extreme is a sometimes thing rather than being overt all of the time, but the power exchange is always there in some form. I don’t think either of us will go back now even though sometimes it is less and others it is more. Thank you for an interesting post ?

    1. During our low times we have talked about stopping with BDSM, but even then we discovered we can’t. It’s too engrained in our daily life with the hundreds of little D/s interactions we have throughout the day.
      I love the way it is now, and I hope the same goes for you.

      Thanks for reading!


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