I love the Holiday spirit. I really do. I love it when the days become shorter when there are lights in the streets when the first Christmas decorations reach the stores.
But at the same time, I dread the upcoming season. Because every year, without fail, I become depressed during the winter season. There’s very little I can do about it. I only know it’s going to happen.
Sensitive to Depressia
I have a history of depression. Throughout my life, there have been several periods when I suffered from this condition, most notably during my teenage and student years. It runs in my family, from both sides.
Apart from the lack of light and other external factors, the reason SAD hits me hard every year is that all my family’s birthdays and dates of death are in the months from October to January. This begins the second week of October and lasts until the second week of January. On top of these difficult days, is of course Christmas. Every year the emphasis of all commercials is on how to spend extra time with your family. That’s quite painful when there is no such family.
The New Year
An extra difficult night for me is New Year’s Eve. Since my father worked in healthcare, he would often work on this holiday, but no matter where he worked, he would make sure to call me. Sometimes before 12 o’clock, if he could come through then after. It was the one night we always spoke. My mother would also try to reach me that night.
Nowadays, it doesn’t matter if I stay home or visit friends, I will always cry somewhere during the evening. It’s the build-up of the holiday season, and it’s a night when I feel extra alone. Yes, even with my husband’s arms around me.
Regular Life Starts Again
I’m always relieved when it’s January and everyone packs away the holiday decorations. Usually, but not always, this is the time when I start to feel better again. The days slowly become longer again, and a couple weeks later, I can begin to grow new seeds for the upcoming spring season.
To be honest, this year I’m terrified for the upcoming season. Last year my winter depression hit me especially hard, and it didn’t pass in January. On the contrary, it stuck until well into March until I visited a rock concert by the band Oomph!. That night out gave me so much positive energy that I finally was able to shed my depression.
I hope that if I continue to visit munches, to continue to talk to my new kinky friends, and by continuing to blog, I can keep the depression at a minimum. I also hope my husband and I continue to do our daily walks. Last year for some reason, we didn’t, and that didn’t help my situation.
My life is now radically different from a year ago, so I’m gonna keep my hopes up that I’ll get through the holidays relatively well. There are no guarantees, however. I’m aware of the problem, I try to combat it where I can, and we’ll see how far I get. Unfortunately, there is one thing I know for sure: there will be tears on New Year’s Eve.