I will never start a blog.
About a year ago, I listened to Kayla Lords’ ‘Smutlancer‘ podcast, and her first advice to making money in writing about sex online is: start a blog. You need a blog to start gathering an audience and to have content to show to prospective clients. Bullshit, I thought. I had a journal-style blog in around 2005, and my father was the only loyal visitor.
I will never find an audience, I figured when considering starting a sex blog. And, more importantly: what do I have to add with so many blogs already out there? Yes, I know sex, sex toys, BDSM, but still. What can I say that hasn’t already been said?
Months later, I reconsidered, after finding several copywriting ads, where, indeed, they asked for example writing. That got me thinking. I know how to write. I’ve been to university where they taught me how to structure an academic article. But I know little of blog-writing. I have little experience in how to write for an online audience. I don’t know anything about SEO. And apart from writing erotica, I had no experience in writing online articles about sex. So if I really wanted to advance this career, there was only one option: I had to start a blog.
In May 2019, I started this blog, and I’ve been posting at least once a week since. It’s only been four months, but when I started, I never thought I’d get this far. One of the most important things this blog has given me is structure. I feel obligated to sit down and write a post twice a week. This can be either a blog post or a story, but I need a minimal output of 1,200 words. This may seem like little for a freelance writer, but trust me, it’s more than what I did before. I treat it like a job, and it feels like for the first time since I started writing full time, I’m actually accomplishing something.
People Like Me
The second thing that happened is that I feel a connection to my fellow bloggers. There’s a whole group of people out there who are like me. They like to write about sex. Many of them do what I do and write blogs, reviews, and fiction. Being a writer can be lonely, and especially when you’re writing on your own and have no one around you to share it with. Yes, my husband is supportive of everything I do, but he doesn’t really get it. He’s not a writer. I feel like my fellow bloggers do share my experiences, and we support each other, even if it’s only a retweet on Twitter. This means a lot to me, and it was something I didn’t expect.
Participating in memes has even given me insights into my life. Reading other people’s ideas on, for example, cPTSD has clarified why I sometimes find it difficult to act. Thanks to Deviant Succubus, for mentioning this in her blog. But also the topic of ‘gaslighting‘ was an eye-opener. I was in a relationship for three years with someone who gaslighted me. I didn’t know there was a term for this, or that it really is damaging. I think I’m still wearing the scars of what he did to me, by disappearing for weeks on end, only to return for a new bout of sex. I don’t think I would have known this, realized this, is a legitimate offense if it weren’t for the blogs written about this subject.
No Way Back
Overall, I’m content that I started this blog. It has given me a weekly routine, it has shown me there are more people like me, and that issues in my life are shared by others. And it may have opened the door to exciting opportunities, but more on that later.
Writing this blog has brought me a lot of good, and I don’t see myself stopping any time soon. This is a dangerous thing to say since I often quit projects before they come to any real fruition, but I have my hopes up for this one. It feels good doing it, I get a good response, and it is opening doors to other opportunities. All I have to do is keep showing up.
Aaah! I learned a lot about you here, what an interesting read. You’re a good writer and clearly the practice is having its intended effect. ✨ And, “Showing up” is such a key thing for writers, having a regular practice in different formats. I can definitely relate to that. I call it the “ass in the chair” method … (because you just have to sit down and do it). ?
Thank you so much. Your kind words made me blush ☺️
I often fall into the trap of ‘waiting for inspiration.’ Apparently, that’s not a good strategy for a freelance writer ?
Thanks for reading.
I think it’s fabulous that you took Kayla’s advice and started a blog 🙂 and you are so right about showing up. A common thought many of us get from time to time is ‘imposter syndrome’, I don’t think there’s a blogger out there who hasn’t panicked they’re a big fraud at some point during their journey, I always say to myself and to others when this happens though ‘if we showed up, if we created, if we shared we are bloggers and we belong here’. I very much hope you do stick with us and thank you for sharing for this week’s #F4TFriday x
I sometimes forget that being able to write, and to actually sit down and do it, isn’t a trait shared by everyone. Just as my husband can’t fathom why I don’t understand basic laws of physics ?♀️
I love your enthusiasm and your many projects. Let’s all continue to show up and create ☺️
I’m not sure when I first saw your writing but it stuck – probably due to humour – and I’ll always read when I come across you linking on a prompt. It’s a genuine surprise when you go from “I’ve nothing new to say” to “woah, people read and like my work”. So, I look forward to you continuing and hope it goes from strength to strength. x
Thank you so much ?
Blogging is a big change from self-publishing into the big black void of Amazon. I now actually get feedback from people who read my writings, and trust me, that’s very motivating.
I appreciate your feedback, just as I love to read your posts.
I hadnt realised youd not had this blog for very long. We must have come across each others blogs at the same time.
Its really interesting to read how a professional writer approaches blogging.
Wishing you every success fir the future
Thank you ☺️
All the best for you too!
Wow you have come such a long way in a short time with your blog. I have been so happy to have you link up to F4tfriday and very much enjoy reading the posts – on-wards and upwards I say!
Thank you, May ☺️
Well, I, for one, am really glad that you started this blog because I very much enjoy your posts and your writing! And I very much hope so that you will continue writing in this space! (also, thanks for the shout out <3 )
You’re welcome ☺️
I enjoy reading your work!
I’m really glad you were persuaded to start ?
Ahh yes, I think I an testament to the fact that blogging can be a little addictive
Yes, you may be right ?
Blogging is amazing! Even if you don’t do it regularly, you still make friends and find an outlet for your thoughts and stories. I’m glad it’s been positive for you.
Thanks, it’s been way more of a positive experience to me than I ever had imagined ☺️