I will never start a blog.
About a year ago, I listened to Kayla Lords’ ‘Smutlancer‘ podcast, and her first advice to making money in writing about sex online is: start a blog. You need a blog to start gathering an audience and to have content to show to prospective clients. Bullshit, I thought. I had a journal-style blog in around 2005, and my father was the only loyal visitor.
I will never find an audience, I figured when considering starting a sex blog. And, more importantly: what do I have to add with so many blogs already out there? Yes, I know sex, sex toys, BDSM, but still. What can I say that hasn’t already been said?
Months later, I reconsidered, after finding several copywriting ads, where, indeed, they asked for example writing. That got me thinking. I know how to write. I’ve been to university where they taught me how to structure an academic article. But I know little of blog-writing. I have little experience in how to write for an online audience. I don’t know anything about SEO. And apart from writing erotica, I had no experience in writing online articles about sex. So if I really wanted to advance this career, there was only one option: I had to start a blog.
In May 2019, I started this blog, and I’ve been posting at least once a week since. It’s only been four months, but when I started, I never thought I’d get this far. One of the most important things this blog has given me is structure. I feel obligated to sit down and write a post twice a week. This can be either a blog post or a story, but I need a minimal output of 1,200 words. This may seem like little for a freelance writer, but trust me, it’s more than what I did before. I treat it like a job, and it feels like for the first time since I started writing full time, I’m actually accomplishing something.
People Like Me
The second thing that happened is that I feel a connection to my fellow bloggers. There’s a whole group of people out there who are like me. They like to write about sex. Many of them do what I do and write blogs, reviews, and fiction. Being a writer can be lonely, and especially when you’re writing on your own and have no one around you to share it with. Yes, my husband is supportive of everything I do, but he doesn’t really get it. He’s not a writer. I feel like my fellow bloggers do share my experiences, and we support each other, even if it’s only a retweet on Twitter. This means a lot to me, and it was something I didn’t expect.
Participating in memes has even given me insights into my life. Reading other people’s ideas on, for example, cPTSD has clarified why I sometimes find it difficult to act. Thanks to Deviant Succubus, for mentioning this in her blog. But also the topic of ‘gaslighting‘ was an eye-opener. I was in a relationship for three years with someone who gaslighted me. I didn’t know there was a term for this, or that it really is damaging. I think I’m still wearing the scars of what he did to me, by disappearing for weeks on end, only to return for a new bout of sex. I don’t think I would have known this, realized this, is a legitimate offense if it weren’t for the blogs written about this subject.
No Way Back
Overall, I’m content that I started this blog. It has given me a weekly routine, it has shown me there are more people like me, and that issues in my life are shared by others. And it may have opened the door to exciting opportunities, but more on that later.
Writing this blog has brought me a lot of good, and I don’t see myself stopping any time soon. This is a dangerous thing to say since I often quit projects before they come to any real fruition, but I have my hopes up for this one. It feels good doing it, I get a good response, and it is opening doors to other opportunities. All I have to do is keep showing up.