When considering this meme, I couldn’t really find any closed doors. Sure, I’ve been let go a couple of times, usually because the company I worked for stopped or went bankrupt. Those times were hectic and upsetting, but in the end, I came out better.
There is something related to this I frequently do. Over and over again, actually, throughout my life. I burn my ships behind me. I don’t know if it’s a Virgo thing or something that’s just me, but I do it time and time again.
When I quit my job, I won’t return. I won’t come by for a chat or a simple visit. In my mind, it’s over and done with, never to be seen again. Sometimes I moved to another city, so that would be easy. But other times, I have gone out of my way to avoid visiting my previous workplace.
I don’t know why I do this. I have never parted with bad feelings. There was never any fraud or theft or anything of that kind. I quit my job to move on to other things, and somehow I can’t deal with what I’ve left behind.
In my relationships, I do the same. When I broke up with my last ex, I moved out, I came back to pick up some belongings, and that’s it. I never revisited him. Okay, maybe once, but I think that had another reason, picking up some other belongings he had found. Again, there were no hard feelings, we weren’t fighting, there was just nothing left to talk about.
I like closing the door behind me. When I decide it’s over, it just is. I don’t wish to spend any energy on you anymore. It might be harsh, but that’s how I see it.
I’m doing this too in my current set of friends. Whenever they do something I disprove of, I withdraw. I won’t send you cute cat pics anymore, I stop talking on WhatsApp.
Is this fair? Nope, not at all. The adult thing to do would be speaking out my concerns and discuss my feelings. But do you know what I’m not that good at? Exactly. Telling people what bothers me and saying how I feel. Instead, I shut down and move on with other things.
Some of my friends have reproached me for this. They were right to do so, of course. We discussed things, and it got resolved. But at the same time, I know I’m still doing it. I hate conflict and would rather ignore it than look for a solution. I see it as a lesson I still need to learn.
Lessons to be Learned
So yes, there are closed doors in my life, but they’re mainly the ones I threw shut myself. I burned my ship behind me many times. It feels like a good way of dealing with issues. I have plenty of issues to deal with, I don’t want to have to deal with past cases too. I quit that job, I ended the relationship, now it’s time to move on.
With my friends, it’s more complicated. I want to have a relationship with them. I want things to endure and be part of each other’s lives for longer than just a few weeks or months. But to turn around and say: ‘hey, I don’t like what you did there,’ is too big a step for me. That truly is a lesson I still need to learn. I’m aware of it. Maybe one day, I will. Perhaps not all my ships need to be burned.