Closed Doors, Or Are They Burned Ships?

Photo by Mike Cassidy on Unsplash
Photo by Mike Cassidy on Unsplash

When considering this meme, I couldn’t really find any closed doors. Sure, I’ve been let go a couple of times, usually because the company I worked for stopped or went bankrupt. Those times were hectic and upsetting, but in the end, I came out better.
There is something related to this I frequently do. Over and over again, actually, throughout my life. I burn my ships behind me. I don’t know if it’s a Virgo thing or something that’s just me, but I do it time and time again.

Work Situations

When I quit my job, I won’t return. I won’t come by for a chat or a simple visit. In my mind, it’s over and done with, never to be seen again. Sometimes I moved to another city, so that would be easy. But other times, I have gone out of my way to avoid visiting my previous workplace.
I don’t know why I do this. I have never parted with bad feelings. There was never any fraud or theft or anything of that kind. I quit my job to move on to other things, and somehow I can’t deal with what I’ve left behind.

Relationships

In my relationships, I do the same. When I broke up with my last ex, I moved out, I came back to pick up some belongings, and that’s it. I never revisited him. Okay, maybe once, but I think that had another reason, picking up some other belongings he had found. Again, there were no hard feelings, we weren’t fighting, there was just nothing left to talk about.
I like closing the door behind me. When I decide it’s over, it just is. I don’t wish to spend any energy on you anymore. It might be harsh, but that’s how I see it.

Friendships

I’m doing this too in my current set of friends. Whenever they do something I disprove of, I withdraw. I won’t send you cute cat pics anymore, I stop talking on WhatsApp.
Is this fair? Nope, not at all. The adult thing to do would be speaking out my concerns and discuss my feelings. But do you know what I’m not that good at? Exactly. Telling people what bothers me and saying how I feel. Instead, I shut down and move on with other things.
Some of my friends have reproached me for this. They were right to do so, of course. We discussed things, and it got resolved. But at the same time, I know I’m still doing it. I hate conflict and would rather ignore it than look for a solution. I see it as a lesson I still need to learn.

Lessons to be Learned

So yes, there are closed doors in my life, but they’re mainly the ones I threw shut myself. I burned my ship behind me many times. It feels like a good way of dealing with issues. I have plenty of issues to deal with, I don’t want to have to deal with past cases too. I quit that job, I ended the relationship, now it’s time to move on.
With my friends, it’s more complicated. I want to have a relationship with them. I want things to endure and be part of each other’s lives for longer than just a few weeks or months. But to turn around and say: ‘hey, I don’t like what you did there,’ is too big a step for me. That truly is a lesson I still need to learn. I’m aware of it. Maybe one day, I will. Perhaps not all my ships need to be burned.


9 Comments

  1. I have also never been back to a place where I have worked after I have left there. I just never felt comfortable doing so. And as for speaking up towards friends… no, not something I have ever been able to do. I guess I have a lot still to learn too.
    ~ Marie

  2. eh, you do life your way. It is a safety thing for some to just walk away and be free of what they left. I know it can save some mental anguish. I’m a glutton for that kind of punishment. you are smarter than I am.

  3. I have walked away from every relationship and every job in the same way. For much the same reasons. As for telling your friends how you feel and working it out? Sometimes people say they value friendships like that but those people are kidding themselves.
    Like you I am learning to deal with people a little because I would like to keep some friends around but I really don’t cope with people well.

  4. I recognise myself a lot in some of your examples.

    I have turned my back on many I thought friends, due to behaviour that cannot be excused by them saying “whoops sorry”.
    Ive struggled with knowing boundaries for far too long.

    I’ve never once regretted ending contact with people I once trusted following my gut – once I lose respect for someone, I’m done. Maybe I am being childish?

    I’m learning new ways to communicate every day.

    Protect yourself whatever way works best for your peace of mind and conscience.
    Swirly x

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