Degrading, Normal or Kinky
This is a tough subject for me. I don’t always recognize what is humiliating and what isn’t. After all, it’s a complex emotion, and with how I’ve been raised, I don’t know exactly which things are considered to be ‘normal’ or ‘regular kinky’ and which aren’t. But over the past couple of years, my Dominant, who’s also my husband, has pointed out some things to me. And yet, I’m still not convinced this is a kink I enjoy.
One instance of erotic humiliation that is clear to my mind is from before I met my husband. During that time, I spoke too many men online. There was one guy I talked to multiple times, and I showed myself on the webcam for him. After some regular assignments, he told me to take a lipstick and write the word ‘Slut’ on my chest. Even writing this now makes me shiver. I hated it. The way I remember it, it was an overall horrible experience.
Things never worked out with that guy, but that’s another story. But I got very little satisfaction out of that first encounter with erotic humiliation.
My healthier experiences with humiliation play have been with my husband. During the first times we met up, he did the full-body-inspection-thing. That was rough and very uncomfortable the first few times. It involved me standing with my legs spread and arms behind my neck. The worst part was him checking to see if I had shaved correctly. And yes, I mean between my legs. What this interaction did for me, was that it put me in a submissive mindset in an instant. It was like there was no other option than to submit.
Nowadays, my Dominant’s favorite way of humiliation is to have me say degrading things. This started by him forcing me to say I’m his ‘anal slut.’ I literally could not pronounce these words.
Nowadays, it’s easier. I can pretty easily say I’m his ‘anal slut,’ his ‘pain slut’ and whatever varieties he comes up with.
What I do find difficult today, is when I have to ask my Dominant for a spanking. And then during the spanking, he asks whether I want the next hit to be hard or soft. I hate that so much. Just as much as I hate having to ask to be hit again. This creates so much confusion in my head. I’m a decent girl, how can I be so lewd that I want to ask to be spanked again, even harder this time?
But I guess that’s the point of it all. And I have to admit: it does clear my mind. When I’m asking these things, I’m not thinking about tomorrow’s groceries. Begging for the next spank is all that’s on my mind.
Harsh but Necessary
So yeah, I sort of understand why people are into erotic humiliation. It does make you cross boundaries, and it forces you into a different mindset. And no, it’s not per se fun or enjoyable for the person on the receiving end, but I’ll admit that it has its purposes. At least for me, it makes me feel more submissive, and it clears my mind. So I guess it’s now time to get the cane out of the closet, bow my head and say: “Please, Sir, will you spank me?”
I think your post highlights perfectly how erotic humiliation works best and should ideally be done when there is a level of knowledge and trust between two people. I loved this line …. ‘This creates so much confusion in my head. I’m a decent girl, how can I be so lewd that I want to ask to be spanked again, even harder this time?’ That confusion, causing someones mind to diverge from the path they think is proper is part of what I love about erotic humiliation. Watching them squirm as the wrestle with their conditioned thought and the new truth you have presented them with is extremely satisfying, and arousing. Floss x
Thank you so much 🙂
Humiliation is a real tough subject. I especially struggle with the concept because I was raised to be a ‘good decent girl’. Nowadays I’m still a ‘good girl,’ but in a slightly different sense 😉
Thanks for reading.
Thank you for posting on the TMA meme Liz. Great post that certainly resonated with me especially the way that missy responds from time to time when her mind is occupied else where!
Thank you ?
It’s funny how that mind can sometimes just go off on its own, and it’s usually not to places the Dominant wants it to go ?
This is a great post and I can relate to a lot of what you say. Being called names does nothing for me either so I think that generally humiliation only becomes erotic when it arouses the sexual desire or excitement. That is the key I think as the other person has to know you well enough to know what to say and how and when to say it. A big part is also the relationship. HL can say things to me that are sexy but they would be insulting from someone else. I am exactly like you in terms of the confusion on my mind and it is that cognitive dissonance which pushes me into my submissive space. As you say, there is no option but to give in. That for me is what allows me to give up my own sense of self and submit fully.
Yes, exactly. I love the term ‘cognitive dissonance.’ Like the two parts of my brain just won’t interact and that clash turns me towards submission. And yes, my Dominant knows me well 😉 Thanks for reading!
Thank you for this. We were discussing humiliation today (pushing on into new waters) and I hadn’t considered that body writing and inspection were humiliating. Verbally degrading myself is though, but I hadn’t connected the dots. Minds are funny things, aren’t they?
Yes, minds can be funny indeed ?
I’ve had trouble recognising what exactly is humiliating and what isn’t. About many things I figured: that’s just part of the play, right? It’s supposed to be like that. But well, you live and learn. ?♀️