Degrading, Normal or Kinky
This is a tough subject for me. I don’t always recognize what is humiliating and what isn’t. After all, it’s a complex emotion, and with how I’ve been raised, I don’t know exactly which things are considered to be ‘normal’ or ‘regular kinky’ and which aren’t. But over the past couple of years, my Dominant, who’s also my husband, has pointed out some things to me. And yet, I’m still not convinced this is a kink I enjoy.
One instance of erotic humiliation that is clear to my mind is from before I met my husband. During that time, I spoke too many men online. There was one guy I talked to multiple times, and I showed myself on the webcam for him. After some regular assignments, he told me to take a lipstick and write the word ‘Slut’ on my chest. Even writing this now makes me shiver. I hated it. The way I remember it, it was an overall horrible experience.
Things never worked out with that guy, but that’s another story. But I got very little satisfaction out of that first encounter with erotic humiliation.
My healthier experiences with humiliation play have been with my husband. During the first times we met up, he did the full-body-inspection-thing. That was rough and very uncomfortable the first few times. It involved me standing with my legs spread and arms behind my neck. The worst part was him checking to see if I had shaved correctly. And yes, I mean between my legs. What this interaction did for me, was that it put me in a submissive mindset in an instant. It was like there was no other option than to submit.
Nowadays, my Dominant’s favorite way of humiliation is to have me say degrading things. This started by him forcing me to say I’m his ‘anal slut.’ I literally could not pronounce these words.
Nowadays, it’s easier. I can pretty easily say I’m his ‘anal slut,’ his ‘pain slut’ and whatever varieties he comes up with.
What I do find difficult today, is when I have to ask my Dominant for a spanking. And then during the spanking, he asks whether I want the next hit to be hard or soft. I hate that so much. Just as much as I hate having to ask to be hit again. This creates so much confusion in my head. I’m a decent girl, how can I be so lewd that I want to ask to be spanked again, even harder this time?
But I guess that’s the point of it all. And I have to admit: it does clear my mind. When I’m asking these things, I’m not thinking about tomorrow’s groceries. Begging for the next spank is all that’s on my mind.
Harsh but Necessary
So yeah, I sort of understand why people are into erotic humiliation. It does make you cross boundaries, and it forces you into a different mindset. And no, it’s not per se fun or enjoyable for the person on the receiving end, but I’ll admit that it has its purposes. At least for me, it makes me feel more submissive, and it clears my mind. So I guess it’s now time to get the cane out of the closet, bow my head and say: “Please, Sir, will you spank me?”