My life is good. I’m happily married, and I live in a great house. I have access to all amenities you could think of. I have four pets who love me. Even my blog is somewhat successful, and people enjoy reading my fiction. And yet…
I long for more. There’s this faint feeling inside of me. It’s not strong enough to act upon, but it is there. I want more.
More Success in Writing
I want more success in writing. I want my blog to become larger, reach a larger audience and yes, ultimately, make more money.
The main problem is I’m not ambitious. I don’t care enough to work as hard as possible on it. Trust me, in the supermarket, I worked a thousand times harder than I do today. There are no strict lines I can follow. I’m stumbling about, trying out stuff here and there. I have no end-goal. I only know I long for more.
I long to have more people in my life. If my friends would read this, I bet they would raise their eyebrows. I’m not easy to be friends with. I forget to initiate a chat, and I don’t like setting a date since it’ll mess up my routine and plans. And yet I long for meaningful connections. Conversations that hit me deep in my heart, and show me a different solution, another way of thinking.
Yes, that could be a form of BDSM-relationship, but that would be more the by-product instead of the end-goal.
I long for more and deeper BDSM-play. Our current play is magnificent, don’t get me wrong, but deep down the submissive in me wants more. More spankings, harder spankings and more pain. My inner sub has little interest in real-life consequences, like bodily limits or sore muscles. But the nagging longing is there.
So what am I doing about it?
Well, Covid is making things challenging. I can’t go out and meet people, so my options are limited.
I am working on several projects. One of which will reach the surface soon, the others are still stewing and will have to wait a little longer. Maybe they can be derived from the first project, who knows?
And I know myself. Even if I fulfil all my dreams, I will still long for more. That’s just who I am. I’m unambitious, a bit lazy and content with where I am today. And making dreams come true is hard work. Step by step, I’m sure I will get there—one day.