Longing: Will It Ever Be Enough

Photo by Ava Sol on Unsplash
Photo by Ava Sol on Unsplash

My life is good. I’m happily married, and I live in a great house. I have access to all amenities you could think of. I have four pets who love me. Even my blog is somewhat successful, and people enjoy reading my fiction. And yet…
I long for more. There’s this faint feeling inside of me. It’s not strong enough to act upon, but it is there. I want more.

More Success in Writing

I want more success in writing. I want my blog to become larger, reach a larger audience and yes, ultimately, make more money.
The main problem is I’m not ambitious. I don’t care enough to work as hard as possible on it. Trust me, in the supermarket, I worked a thousand times harder than I do today. There are no strict lines I can follow. I’m stumbling about, trying out stuff here and there. I have no end-goal. I only know I long for more.

More People

I long to have more people in my life. If my friends would read this, I bet they would raise their eyebrows. I’m not easy to be friends with. I forget to initiate a chat, and I don’t like setting a date since it’ll mess up my routine and plans. And yet I long for meaningful connections. Conversations that hit me deep in my heart, and show me a different solution, another way of thinking.
Yes, that could be a form of BDSM-relationship, but that would be more the by-product instead of the end-goal.

More BDSM

I long for more and deeper BDSM-play. Our current play is magnificent, don’t get me wrong, but deep down the submissive in me wants more. More spankings, harder spankings and more pain. My inner sub has little interest in real-life consequences, like bodily limits or sore muscles. But the nagging longing is there.

Future

So what am I doing about it?
Well, Covid is making things challenging. I can’t go out and meet people, so my options are limited.
I am working on several projects. One of which will reach the surface soon, the others are still stewing and will have to wait a little longer. Maybe they can be derived from the first project, who knows?

Never Enough

And I know myself. Even if I fulfil all my dreams, I will still long for more. That’s just who I am. I’m unambitious, a bit lazy and content with where I am today. And making dreams come true is hard work. Step by step, I’m sure I will get there—one day.


4Thoughts

7 Comments

  1. I can relate to some of the point you make Liz, I have a vague yearning for more writing success – I have a pipe dream to self publish, but do I get on with it? I do not, I procrastinate, telling myself other things I have to do are more important. I am (like you) very happy with the successes I have so far, and very grateful for my good family life, my health, my friends.

    I think we need a certain amount of longing to drive us forward – even when our passion smoulders rather than burns. I enjoyed your post.

    Posy Churchgate
    1. Yes, I completely agree. Without this faint longing I would just play videogames and watch television all day and be happy enough for it. Instead I feel the need to create after a day spent like that.

      And you should try self-publishing, it’s not that hard really ☺️
      If you have any questions, just ask.

      Lizblackx
      1. I think we might be cards out of the same pack Liz!
        I really will Liz – I have put my plan out into the world now, so I will be driven to do it – so look out for me seeking advice

        Posy Churchgate
  2. There was a time when I longed for making a career of my blog, but then I let go of that. Yes, I too long for more BDSM, and there are definitely other things I long for. I am quite happy with our life as it is, but there’s always room for more, right?
    ~ Marie

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