Tell me About … Pain
I’m an empath. I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. I can read about a child with a severe disease, and it can literally ruin my day because I feel so sad for the child and its family. Yesterday my husband killed a bunch of bugs, silverfishes, in our house and I feel sad that we wiped out an entire family. That was not how they envisioned their day to be when they woke up.
I have trouble letting go of these emotions. I have not found an easy way to relax and clear myself of this negativity. As a result, I’m often tense and anxious. Surprisingly enough, we have found that pain play is a perfect way to find release. But it’s not easy.
Try to Relax
I’m an over-thinker and a perfectionist. And if there’s something I have not yet learned, it is to relax and let go. Of course, I have developed different strategies. I try to distract myself by way of reading, listening to music, cuddling with my cats and also masturbation. Writing in a private journal can also help sometimes. Yet once in a while, none of these solutions seems to help.
Spanking as Release
My husband is excellent at reading my emotions. When he sees I’m too stressed out, and if he thinks I can take it, he will send me to the bedroom to strip naked.
Imagine feeling crap, all you want to do is cry, and then having to undress all the way at a random time of day. It’s certainly weird to stand naked at a time like that. It’s pretty much the last thing on Earth you would want to do.
And then, even worse, my husband comes in, takes out the flogger and starts whipping me. Yes, I comply. I – reluctantly – welcome the pain. Especially when he hits my upper back, the tears come quickly. Usually, he’ll hit me a few more times, and then, when the tears come pouring out, he takes me in his arms and comforts me.
It’s confusing. I don’t want it to work. I mean, how stupid is that? Why do I need to be whipped to get a normal emotional release? How fucked up is that?
Rationally, I understand how it works. It’s transforming one heightened emotional state to another. The physical pain is distracting, and it offers a perfect way out for the feelings.
I don’t want it to work like that. I want to be normal. Why can’t I just drink another cup of chamomile tea and have it over with?
It Does Work
We don’t use this solution a lot. But the times we did apply it, it worked very well. Often I cry, my husband comforts me, and more than once we continued with the BDSM play, leading to a grand orgasm for me in the end. And yes, I feel much better afterwards and ready to face the day.
For me, it’s hard to accept that it can work this way. I haven’t even fully accepted yet that I enjoy spankings and that they turn me on sexually, let alone that they can help me to cope with emotional pain. People are strange, the way our minds work is weird, and I think emotions are the most obscure of all.