Am I perverted? Well, those that read this blog would undoubtedly agree. My sexual desires are pretty strange and definitely abnormal. I have a strong wish within me to refuse anything normal. It is funny, though, that I have shaped my life to seem (or is) the most standard as can be. My husband has an office job, which is somewhat nine to five. I’m the partner at home, which people may think is funny, but it’s not that uncommon either. And yet, behind closed doors, I’m quite a pervert.
What Does She Do?
Sometimes I wonder what people in my street think of me. We have several families with children here, so I guess they think we can’t have kids. The answer to that is: we don’t know; we haven’t really tried it. I’m guessing they assume I watch TV all day and make sudokus and play Candy Crush. My house and garden aren’t that well taken care of, so they know I’m not good at cleaning either. Maybe they assume I’m disabled somehow.
When I was still working retail, people there also didn’t know anything about my darker side. I once entered the canteen where two of my younger colleagues were discussing a video clip the one was showing the other. When they noticed me, they said, “No, Liz, that’s not for you.” Little did they know about the content I would watch that night on Tumblr.
It amuses me to have this unassuming look and attitude while at the same time being able to enjoy the most extreme videos on Pornhub and write such content myself. Not the most extreme, mind you, the pain the models endure shouldn’t be too harsh, and I don’t like seeing blood.
Because I’ve always read my erotic content online, I’ve been able to discover I prefer the harder, extremer stories. I like weird set-ups, usually very far from having any ties with reality. I prefer stories set on a distant island, a remote factory or a repurposed clinic. Anything to get away from the drudgery of real life.
Escape from Real Life
My need for the perverse stems from my need for escape. Having grown up in a household with abuse, I escaped into the books I read and the dreams I came up with. Working in retail for eighteen years was so stressful and tedious, I still needed an escape. And now that my life is stable, I again long for the place that has always granted me joy and peace.
So yes, I enjoy being a pervert and hope I will always remain one. I will hide it from the outer world because not everyone understands it, and it will scare many people. It is a big part of who I am. While the world is growing more uptight and strict in applying rules you have to live and think by, I need to continue constructing my own worlds. Fantasies where I make the rules and where characters live by my standards. Yes, perverted and all.