Tell Me About – Safety
The bane of every submissive: safety. Let’s be honest; deep down, every submissive wants to be taken and used without regard for their safety and wellbeing. Maybe it’s just me, but if it were at all possible, I’d want to be used for days, weeks on end, always in submission. When you look at my earliest stories (not online, so don’t bother searching 😝), you see this is my truest fantasy. The characters were taken from their homes, taken captive by the evil overlord and had to endure the worst tortures imaginable.
I’ve grown up and matured, and some of the appeals of this fantasy have dwindled. Not all, though 😉
The first thing that comes into play with this fantasy is reality. Yes, it’s usually the one who ruins things. My husband says the moment he fell in love with me was what ruined dangerous play. He doesn’t want to break me or the trust I have in him. He wants our relationship to endure. And so we play safe. We have safe words installed. We discuss before we start to play if any areas should be avoided. We only play when we both feel up to it and are in the mood. It’s safe and pleasant.
As the other articles mention, there is always risk involved. I mean, we play with whips and canes, so there’s bound to be bruises and wounds afterwards.
One time, nearly ten years ago, my husband had tied me to the coffee table with a cushion underneath my head. All safe and fine, right? Well, it was until I reached my orgasm. As usual, I sat up straight as the orgasm went through me. In the motion, I pushed the cushion of the table and came back down on the now clear table with immense force. Suffice to say, I was done with my orgasm, and I had a massive bruise on the back of my head for the next few days. Luckily it was covered by my hair, else I would have gotten funny looks at work.
Torture or Masochistic Play
Safety is boring, I’ll give you that, but feeling unsafe is no joke either. We own a dog collar which we sometimes use for electrical play. We’ve tried the different settings, and the top-level, which is okay for me to endure, is lvl 50. Remember that.
I showed it to my friend, and she said: ‘I’m not gonna show this to my dominant. I am sure he will set it to 100, just for the fun of it.’
I was shocked by this statement; no pun intended. Why would you do that? I mean, the lvl 50 setting that I can endure already really hurts. It’s how far I’m willing to go for my Dominant, and in play, I can take more pain than without. But why would you want to blatantly go to max level and cause innumerable pain? Engaging in pain play means you need to understand the limits and abide by them. There is a difference for a masochist in what they will endure during a session and what could only be described as torture.
My friend and this dominant are no longer together.
Boring, but Necessary
Both the dominant and the submissive in a D/s have responsibilities for upholding safety. The submissive needs to state his/her limits honestly, and the dominant has to respect the boundaries. Engaging in BDSM means searching for limits and occasionally crossing them. Else it wouldn’t be any fun.
And no, safety isn’t fun. It’s often contrary to what the submissive really desires, but it is necessary. You don’t want to be broken for days, weeks or worse, due to one session. The responsible thing to do, however boring, is to play safe, sane and consensual. And leave the rest for your fantasy.