BDSM 101: Safe Sane and Consensual

Is BDSM Dangerous?

BDSM 101: Safe Sane and Consensual
A depiction of a person in latex while wearing handcuffs. 
Blogpost by Liz BlackX
Latex and handcuffs,

The mainstream media depict BDSM as something highly dangerous. You see people with mascara-stricken faces with tears in their eyes. The emphasis is on latex, leather hoods, cuffs, whips, clamps. And yet, I don’t see BDSM as strictly dangerous. You seek limits, sure, so you might get hurt, and things could go wrong, but in essence, safety is held in high regard within the fetish community. The main mantra within the community is ‘safe, sane, and consensual.’ Is this really as effective as it sounds?

Safe for all Partners

First off, ‘safe’ is the keyword which answers the question of whether BDSM is dangerous. If upheld well, ‘safe’ means that the participants look out for the safety of the other. If any equipment is used, they make sure it’s in good condition. When doing bondage, you will do so with regards to circulation and nerves to prevent permanent damage. During spankings, you have educated yourself in where to stank and which areas to avoid. Above all this, you pay mind to your partner’s emotional state. Sometimes the submissive is not in the right headspace to be able to play and submit. The same can be valid for the Dominant. Watching out for yourself and the other is extremely important to keep things safe within BDSM.

Sane: Use Your Common Sense


The second keyword is ‘sane.’ I like to think of this one as ‘use your common sense.’ When you watch a lot of videos or read many erotic stories, it’s easy to lose yourself in a world of fantasy. This is commendable, but keep in mind that there’s a big difference between fantasy and reality.
I once read a story where, through the use of hypnosis and magic, a man kept a hard-on for two weeks straight. This is physically impossible, so not even close to sane.
Many submissives dream of being locked in a cell or bare basement for weeks on end. Yes, you can make it safe, but is it sane? Will that be as exciting and hot in real life as it was in your fantasy?

Safety First

Again, make sure you don’t cause permanent damage to your partner. Before you start a new activity, take a moment to consider all the factors. Is this a wise thing to do? What could be the consequences? If you have the slightest worry about one of the components, then stop and think of another way to solve it. If nothing comes up, then have fun and enjoy.

Consensual: Communicate Clearly

The final marker is ‘consensual.’ Both partners, and I stress both, need to communicate and express their desires and limitations. You need to do this in a neutral environment without repercussions to what is being said.
Not like the scene in Fifty Shades of Grey, where Christian feeds Anastasia a bottle of wine during the discussion of her limits. Mixing alcohol and BDSM is never a good idea, but while discussing limits, it’s the worst idea ever.
It’s like if you would put me in bondage, have me kneel before my Master, and then ask about my limits. Trust me, I’ll have none. I’ll say ‘yes’ to everything. That’s just the way my submissive mind works. Instead, ask me after lunch, in a non-sexual setting, and I’ll be able to give you a lucid answer to any question you might have. Only then can things be genuinely consensual.

Keep It Safe and Fun

If everyone sticks to the rule of ‘safe, sane, and consensual,’ BDSM is not dangerous. Does everyone stick to these pillars? You know people are still people, so no. But people active in the community should at least be aware of these three pointers, and they should respect them. Communicate about it with your partner, both submissive and Dominant. We should all look out for one another. Together we can keep BDSM fun and push danger out of the way.

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