Content Warning: There are mentions of disease in this text
One of the aspects of BDSM I struggle with is giving up control. Literally surrendering to my Dominant. No matter the circumstances, I’m always in control, or so I like to think. As the submissive, I know I’m supposed to submit, to give over. In reality, I struggle with this concept. I think I know what implements my D is going to use during the spanking. I like to predict how long the whipping is going to last. I think I know it all.
Next to this, I sometimes consciously remind myself to give over. I tell myself to let go, to let my Dominant make the decisions.
But you know what? Next to all this tough talk, there are times when there’s nothing else I can do but surrender. During certain instances, I have to surrender, because there is no other option. And those usually make for the best times.
If you want to have me pliable and in a quick submissive state, tie my hands and put a blindfold on me. The moment I feel my hands are tied, literally, I start to drift off. Same goes for when my husband puts his hand around my throat and pulls me into him. He doesn’t restrict my breathing, but the feeling of his firm grip around me makes me submit. I can hate it at times, but I melt every time. When you take away my vision, I also feel way more submissive. I dislike seeing myself in submissive positions, so when I can’t see it, it’s all right.
Another way to make me submit is by showing me your dominance physically. Tell me to bare my ass, take a whip or whatever implement, spank me, and I’m yours. I’ve tried to analyze what it is that makes me submit in this situation. I think it’s some basic instinct that makes me realize that whoever is wielding the whip has more power than me, so my best option is to submit and let him have his way. Yes, I do derive pleasure from spankings. The pain grounds me. I can try to hold back before the blow hits me, but I cannot control my reactions. I still cry out when the whip hits me. I sometimes try to wiggle away, but I never think of walking away. The thought doesn’t arise. I’ll use my stop word when it gets too much. Overall, I surrender in this situation.
Something that we discovered quite recently is my love for breast bondage. I’ve always been afraid of developing serious diseases, some which do occur in my family. I know for this reason people often advise against doing breast torture when you’ve reached a certain age. We’re careful in doing this practice. We try to prevent any deep tissue damage or really any severe bruising. But it feels so damn good.
When my Dominant ties the first pieces of rope around my breast, I tend to joke or give directions when it’s too tight. But before he is done tying my one breast, I float off into subspace. By the time my second breast is tied, I’m far far away. Sometimes my husband will put clamps on my nipples. It’s a most exquisite, intense torture I love.
Again, I feel like I’m surrendering to the bigger, stronger man in front of me. He has the power to control this essential part of me. What choice do I have but to submit?
At the moment, this is my number one fascination. I wish we could do it every day. Not only isn’t that healthy, but it would soon lose its attractiveness. But I can tell you I’m disappointed when we do a bondage session, and my breasts remain unbound.
So you see, I can surrender. Sometimes. I know blindfolds, spankings and breast bondage are triggers for my full submission. They’re the best ways to turn off my ever-turning mind. We don’t do it too often, but they’re absolutely necessary to keep my mind healthy.
I don’t like to admit it, but this stubborn submissive who’s always in control sometimes needs to be corrected and be reminded how good it feels to give over.