From Nothing to Weekly
When I met my Dominant and now husband, ten years ago, spanking was on my hard-limit list. We bought a crop together, but I would not allow him to do much more than soft stroking or tapping with it. Nowadays, spankings are on our weekly menu during play, and I crave them when we skip them for too long. How did I go from one extreme to the other? Why did I abhor the thought at first and now beg for more? Here’s how my journey went.
No Way Jose
Ten years ago, I could not fathom how something so painful could elicit pleasure. Mind you, this did not only count for whippings with leather implements, but also for simple hand spankings. My first experience with BDSM was solely through erotica where I found recountings of whippings incredibly dull. I would skip them because I didn’t think it was exciting to read about the ‘whoosh’ sound of the whip and the scream that followed after.
The first partner that I tried BDSM with in real life was not a real sadist and had no interest in adding it to our play. We tried some light slapping now and then, but it didn’t really work for either of us.
And finally, and maybe the most important motivation for me to dislike spankings at the time, I have endured spankings as a child. Never with a belt, but slaps did occur, and it is not a happy memory.
Because of all these reasons, I had no positive associations with spankings. So why would anyone want to do this for fun?
Still No, but Intrigued
Years later, our BDSM play evolved. Several other hard limits fainted away, and I became more confident in my role as a submissive. Instead of only reading erotica, I also watched a lot of video clips online. One of them made a significant impact on me, no pun intended.
Over and over I watched this video. I could not understand why I found it so arousing. Why would the girl submit to this? Why did her Dominant cause her so much pain? And why did I want to trade places with this girl in a heartbeat?
So after this not so subtle introduction, I paid more attention to the online spanking community. Somehow I found the pictures of the girls who showed off their beaten bums arousing. I became jealous of their red skins and their bruises.
Slowly it dawned on me that this could be seen as another expression of submission. It could be another form to serve your Master. But how did you cope with the pain that was linked to this fetish?
There’s No Stopping Us Now
So let’s skip to May 2018. My Dominant and I had a big talk about how we both wanted to structure our D/s. One idea that came up was our mutual wish to explore pain play. We decided to go for it and give it a try. We set a goal for me to develop bruises after a whipping. Not too long after that goal was reached. I discovered the thrilling feeling of being bruised with a cane and how I loved the after-burn of a spanking.
So far we’ve added a cane to our repertoire, as well as a paddle, a flogger, a single-tail, variations on a cat-of-nine-tails, a strap, a wooden kitchen spoon, and many others. I have my favorites (paddle), my Dom has his favorites (cane), and we mix them up for good fun.
Today we are at an average of two spankings a week. That’s what we strive for at least. Some weeks we have real life stuff on our minds, and we skip a few. Some other weeks we have more random smaller sessions added to the roster. Sometimes my mindset isn’t in a spanking mood, and the spanking only gives me pain and no pleasure. At other times the whipping will make me cum. Both instances make me dripping wet, by the way.
The mind is still an essential feature in this subject, but I suppose that makes for a separate blog post by itself. Because what still runs through my mind is: ‘Why do I do this to myself? Why do I allow this?’ But then after four or five strokes, the pleasure takes over, and I give in and enjoy the ride.
A Long Road, but Worth It
So here we are. Spankings are part of our routine, and they are an essential part. For me, it is indeed a different way of expressing my submission. When I lay naked over my Dominant’s lap with my ass up in the air, ready to be spanked, it creates a new kind of connection. In a way, I’m more vulnerable now than I have ever been in play.
My Dominant loves how he now has an outlet for his sadism, and at the same time, I can quell my new-found masochism. Our bond is more profound, and we have a better way to channel our BDSM-feelings than before when we would do bondage and some teasing mostly.
For us, it’s the best of both worlds. Only my ass isn’t too pleased with these new developments…