Bucket List for Me
Run a marathon! Visit the Taj Mahal! Go bungee-jumping!
Yeah, maybe you already guessed it, but that’s not me. These items you most often see on a bucket list are definitely not on mine, should I have one.
To be honest, I’ve never sat down and written out a list of things I want to do before I die. Life is too fickle for me. The opportunities and abilities I have today may have disappeared tomorrow.
I’m also not that good with setting goals and working hard to achieve them. Part of that stems from insecurity, but also because I am just as fickle as life. I can be entirely obsessed by something one day, to have forgotten all about it the next.
However, having said all that, there was one event that happened at which I thought: cool, I can tick that off my bucket list.
A Fan Dream Come True
I’m a fangirl at heart. I’m always enamoured by one rock star or another. For the longest time I was smitten by Castus from the band Corvus Corax, and I would attend their performances where I could.
They have this thing during their show where they give fans the chance to drink mead from a long tube while they sing a song about drinking alcohol. It’s difficult to explain, and I wonder if it would be legal anywhere outside of Germany. This is what I mean:
I’m not in this video, but it gives you a good idea of what I’m talking about. I’ve seen it happen many times during their shows, but I never really imagined I could take part in it. Often I was standing too far away because it’s only a small cluster of the audience they can reach with that thing.
Then, one day, everything came together. I was at the right spot, I didn’t have to drive back that evening, and the hose reached the people close to me. And then I was offered to drink from the tube.
As you can see in the video, the end of the tube is quite phallic-shaped. The rockstar of my desire was standing two meters away, monitoring everything with close attention. I figured: I’m going to drink from this thing as seductively as possible.
Yeah, that failed. Once the mead starts flowing, you don’t have time to think about being sexy and seductive. My main concern was that I didn’t want to drown. Some of the drink even landed in my hair, so it was everything but sexy. According to my husband, the singer of the band didn’t even pay attention to me.
But I did it! And it really felt like an accomplishment, something to tick off my bucket list.
So is that it? Is my life complete now?
No, that’s not it. While I may not have a formalised list of goals, I, of course, do still have wishes that I want to achieve before my death.
A dream of mine is to have a one-night stand, or even just a rumble backstage, with a rockstar. Of course not just any rockstar, but one from my list. I mean, I’ve heard small cover bands also have groupies, and I’m not that desperate.
Maybe one day I’ll write a post about the night I’m convinced I could have had this rumble with one of my idols, had it not been for my husband. At the same time, I’m realistic enough to see that this is more a dream than an item that is likely to be ticked off on my bucket list.
Another of my wishes that is somewhat feasible is that I want to have sex with a woman one day. Over the last couple of years, this dream has become more prominent. I don’t think I’m entirely bisexual, but I do get the occasional girl-crush nowadays. I suddenly get the hots for female characters in TV-shows, like Alex from Orange Is the New Black and Mace from Lucifer.
I want to know what it’s like. I want to experience if a woman’s skin is really that much softer, if I’m able to please a female like I can please myself. We’ll see if I ever meet the right person.
A dream of mine, in a similar vein, is that I want to explore the poly-side of our relationship. My husband and I have agreed that we are not monogamous and that we will allow the other to have experiences with other people. Within limits, of course, and never without informing the other. I want to know what it’s like to have a second or even third partner outside of the relationship I have with my husband. I understand it’s going to be difficult, but it seems so cool to me to fall in love again and go on exciting dates and adventures with a new person.
We’re not actively searching for someone, nor do we have a clear picture of how to structure something like a poly relationship. Though my husband dreams of having a sub-sub male-female couple underneath him. But those are scarce, and it would be like finding a unicorn within a unicorn. We’ll see.
Hopes and Dreams
So if I were to sit down and make a bucket list, I suppose these items would be on it. It’s mostly personal relationships and not things you can train for or save up and buy. They’re wishes that are in the back of my mind. I don’t put a time stamp on them when I want to have achieved them. It would be nice if it happened, but not detrimental if it didn’t. They’re more like dreams that I enjoy toying within my mind. And isn’t that what a bucket list is for: a list of dreams you hope to achieve?