Where to Begin?
Even though my husband and I connected because of our kink interests, our D/s wasn’t immediately the way it is now. Over the past ten years, we struggled to get it into a shape we both enjoyed.
Early on, we both had losses in our families, we had health issues, and work stress. We got through it together, but BDSM was not first on our mind. We actually pushed it away, both of us. Too much hassle. It was there, but only in the lightest form. Some bondage here, some teasing there, but not much more.
Time and time again, we would make an effort to intensify the amount of BDSM in our sex life. We searched for rituals. Like literally. My husband and I both hoped by having a recurring activity, it would keep the spark alive. But when you google ‘BDSM rituals,’ you find very little. Two of the rituals we do nowadays I actually found online, but this first one, possibly the sweetest, is one we created ourselves.
A Kiss Goodbye
My husband works in an office, and I work from home. We’re both not exactly morning people, so we take our time having breakfast, drinking our coffees, and discussing the latest news. And when it’s time for my husband to leave, I kiss him goodbye in the door opening. This sounds like a small thing, but when I see the reactions from the people passing by, I guess it’s unusual in some way. We chat in the door opening, we joke, my husband’s hand lands on my boob, I wish him a good day at work, and he leaves.
It’s a minor thing, but the few times when I didn’t do it, it felt bad. I felt like I was missing something. So I think this does count as a ritual.
The Seatbelt Ritual
The second ritual is one we have had for many years now. It was one of the few that I found online that we thought was feasible. Whenever my husband and I travel by car together, and we’re sitting next to each other, he fastens my seatbelt. When in the mood, he’ll tug the belt a little tighter to make sure I know I’m his.
In the beginning, my mother in law would frown at me not fastening my own seatbelt, but I think she gave up trying to understand.
It’s only difficult when I’m sitting on the backseat and have to do it myself, or when I’m the one driving, now that I have my driver’s license. I literally check the passenger seat and think: “Nope, that’s not my husband. I have to fasten myself.”
To me, it’s a fun and cute ritual, and in a small way, I’m reminded of the D/s I’m in, every time I’m in a car, whether it’s our car or somebody else’s. It’s unobtrusive, and apart from strange looks from our family members, no one notices.
Twice Before Bed
For a long time, we’ve searched for a fitting ritual around bedtime. I’ve tried kneeling before the bed, kneeling on the bed, giving a kiss on my husband’s dick, but nothing stuck. It all felt stilted and wrong. But when we decided we were in a 24/7, it also felt out of place to just lie in bed before my husband. We always go to bed at the same time, often I’m just a little earlier.
Nowadays, I wait for him to enter the bedroom before lying down under the covers. Next to that, I kneel on the bed, face down and buttocks uncovered. He will slap me on my ass twice, tell me to turn around, he’ll place a hand on my boob, and we kiss goodnight. That’s when I’m allowed to pull up my panties, get under the covers, and go to sleep.
The two slaps were actually an idea by Kayla Lords, and we really enjoy this ritual. I think it’s because it gives us a moment of interaction, a small reminder of who’s in charge in the house, and it’s more interactive than just me kneeling.
If we’re both exhausted, he’ll just tap me on the ass before entering the bedroom and tell me I can lie down. If he’s still at work in his office, I’ll ask him if it’s okay for me to get into bed, and often he’ll give me permission to do so.
We’ve only been doing this ritual for a couple of months, and already I miss it when we skip it for too long.
The power of these rituals is that they have meaning to the two of us, and they give us small moments of interaction throughout the day. He doesn’t go to work every day, we’re not in a car every day, but we do go to bed together every evening. So even when we spend our days apart, our rituals make sure we connect. He is my Dominant, and I’m his submissive. I kiss him goodbye to work, and I kiss him goodnight before sleeping. My life would feel empty without these small touches. They may not be intense play rituals, but they do match us and our lifestyle. I hope we’ll continue to honor them for as long we can.