When I went to secondary school, my best friend introduced me to the ‘fandom’ phenomenon. Before this age, I had never heard of such a thing, but being a fan was something my friend shared together, and we bonded over it. I enjoyed the concept and soon began writing my first fanfiction. This was around 1994/1995. It was mainly for myself and to exchange stories with my best friend and other friends.
The topics of my desire changed, but the fan fiction remained, even to today. More often than not, my story is based on an actor or rockstar. And there was one time I’m quite sure I could have spent the night with a rockstar…
Five years ago, I wrote a fan fiction based on a band I had seen perform live on a German festival: Corvus Corax. The main singer of the group, Castus Rabensang, is a handsome man. He’s tall, has long dark hair and a great voice too, of course. I chose him as the object of affection for my next story. It was a simple story of a fan spending the night with the rockstar and some complications around that. The story was pretty bad. I had it published on Amazon for a while, but the grammar, character building and storyline were appalling, so I pulled it. Anyway, bear in mind that I had written this story.
Regular Fan Stuff
The year after, I visited Castlefest, together with my husband. Corvus Corax was performing there too. During the afternoon, I think before their show, the band hung around before their merchandise stand, talking with fans, taking pictures and all that. Me, as a giddy fangirl, also wanted a picture with the object of my affection. What struck me was how patient and kind Castus was to his fans. The woman before me asked stupid things, like if his hair colour was his own, but he was friendly and answered all questions. Yes, his hair colour was his own.
I asked to take a picture, and we did. First his arm was around my shoulder, but he lowered it until it was around my waist. Ooh, the tingles of that moment were amazing. It felt so sexual.
Nightly Magical Adventures
That night, Wardruna was performing. I had listened to this band’s music while writing my story about Castus, so that made for a strange set-up. Knowing Castus was still around, I didn’t have the patience to listen to their show. I was also a bit superstitious. I didn’t want to have too many associations with their music so that I would lose my ability to write to the songs.
While Wardruna was still playing their music, I went over to the merchandise stand of Corvus Corax, which was nearby.
Castus was there. He was standing right next to their stand.
Now, I must tell you about this one scene in the story I had written. In it, my main character was at the band’s merchandise stand and was given a shirt by the rockstar. Yes, cliche, I know.
So, that night at Castlefest, in the real world, I too was looking at t-shirts with the rockstar present. I shimmered, like there was a magical glow around me that was buzzing with excitement.
Castus noticed and was looking at me, from top to bottom, until he met eyes with my husband. That’s when he quickly stopped looking.
I bought a t-shirt, paid for it myself, and I bought it size L instead of XL. For years it was my lucky shirt. Many good things happened to me while I was wearing that garment, like I got my driver’s license with it on.
Some Dreams Are Better as Dreams
But no, I didn’t get a one-night stand or backstage rumble with my rockstar. In a way, I’m glad I didn’t, because it’s much cooler to have it remain a fantasy. In my dreams, my rockstars make all the right moves and do precisely what I want. I think real life would quickly shatter these dreams, and I would be confronted with a way too normal man who is smelly and sweaty and not as great a lover as he is in my fantasies. But a girl can still dream…