How Communication and D/s Have Held Us Together

Tell Me About – When Life Gets In The Way

Photo by bhuvanesh gupta on Unsplash
Photo by bhuvanesh gupta on Unsplash

Many time have I described this issue. Life has this annoying tendency to snuck itself into a harmonious time. My husband and I met knowing we were into BDSM. Our dynamic was present from the beginning. My husband thought within a year, we would reach everything there was to reach BDSM-wise. But then life happened. How did we deal with this? What did this mean for our relationship? Did we manage to reconnect through BDSM?

Great Start

My husband and I met online through collarme.com. We connected from the first time we chatted, and four months later, we met for the first time. It all felt familiar, as if we’d always known each other. From that moment on, he came over every weekend. We did our BDSM play every week, and we were off on a great start.

Loss

Only a year after we met, my husband’s father unexpectedly passed away after a sickbed of only ten days. He wasn’t in great health before, but not that bad.
And then, 364 (or 366, I always forget) days later, my mother died. Same story: she wasn’t in the best health, but her passing at age sixty-one was unexpected. Add to that moving house at the same time and some health troubles of mine, and you have the full life recipe on your plate.
Long story short: it killed our D/s. Each of us was dealing with our grief.

No More BDSM

For the longest time, we couldn’t find a structural way to place BDSM into our life. We didn’t have any kinky friends, nor did we go to the local munch. Since I was working in a supermarket around that time, I was afraid to be recognised by customers or co-workers. And honestly, I didn’t think it would improve my life. I also didn’t know about the sex blogging community. It might have helped me had I known there were other people like us out there.

Different Ways

We tried a lot. All we did in our BDSM play was light bondage, teasing and using sex toys. I was adamant about not wanting to try pain play, so we didn’t go there. We did go to sexual fairs when we could. We tried full days in service where I would wear a collar from waking up to going to bed. That didn’t work. I’m not a morning person, and I despise everything to do with sex early in the day, so don’t you dare approach me with anything to do with my submissive feelings.

Tiny D/s

Even though our ‘big play’ was non-existent, we did continue to do our little things. My husband would fasten the seatbelt for me. He would pull at my hair or hold my chin while we were out shopping. These tiny D/s moments have always continued. We would pay attention to each other, and I would still submit to him in big or small ways.

Communication

What has saved us is our ability to communicate with each other. My husband always forces me to speak my mind about what is worrying me, no matter how insignificant it might be. For a secretive person like me, that was a hard lesson to learn. It was definitely beneficial to our relationship. We’ve always known we needed BDSM in our lives, and we knew we would find a way to get back to it somehow. And we did. We sat down together and talked about what we wanted to achieve in our sex life. We wrote it down and set goals for ourselves. This was also when we started to develop our interest in pain play. My husband says he always knew I would like it, and it turns out he was right.

Happy – for now

So is this a happy ever after? Well, we are happy right now, but we know how fragile happiness can be. Life has a way of throwing unexpected challenges at you that can wreck everything from one second to the next. I’m always aware of this danger. I’m happy with every day I can live in peace, yes, even now with Covid-19. My husband and I both know not to take things for granted. Our BDSM play at the moment is good and regular. We sometimes need to remind ourselves to actually play and not spend our days only behind our computers. But when we do talk and play, things are good – for now. You never know when it’s going to be over, and life gets in the way.


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3 Comments

  1. It’s good never to take anything for granted, because indeed, life happens at the most unexpted times. I know that all too well 🙁
    Communication is key, and knowing that both have the desire to get back to the kinky stuff helps a lot too.
    ~ Marie xox

  2. It sounds like you have really been through a lot but knowing that BDSM is part of your foundation is a good way to look at it. I think I keep with the D/s in the small ways you have described here but I allow the desire for the other things to fade. Perhaps my interest in them needs to be sparked? It is definitely a work in progress. Thanks for sharing. Missy x

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