Talking about Sex – Why Is It Even Necessary?

Afbeelding van Jose Jovisur via Pixabay
Picture by Jose Jovisur via Pixabay 

All my life, I’ve been interested in sex. Almost all of my investigations and the story-writing I did was solitary. Of course, I had friends, but we never discussed sex in detail. From early on, I discovered I was into BDSM. I think I might have brushed upon the subject now and then, but since none of my friends understood it, I kept it to myself. And now, at age thirty-eight, I’m running a sex blog. I write and share sex stories, and I’m an expert sex toy reviewer. How did this come to be?

Not for Good Girls

I have trouble talking about sex. I was raised to be a good girl, a decent girl. And we all know, decent girls don’t talk about that stuff.’ When I was a kid, ‘these things’ weren’t talked about. It just didn’t exist.
My first long-term relationship did involve a lot of sex, but I don’t think there was a lot of talking about it. I was only eighteen and very much impressed by how this older man wanted me and found me attractive enough to have sex with. I was so young and naive, I had no idea what I liked and wanted.

Not an Option

My next long term relationship wasn’t much better. In the end, we didn’t have sex anymore, but it was also impossible to talk about it. In my memory, we only talked about it in our first week together, but after that no more. I asked him if he wanted me to dress up in lingerie or in high heels, but he showed no interest in it at all. Now there’s nothing wrong with that, but we weren’t a good match.

All Day Every Day

My husband is the first person in my life who’s willing to pry all secrets from me. Small or dark, he doesn’t care; he wants to know it all. And I’ve spilt them all. Even the ones I’m most ashamed of. No, that wasn’t easy. It has made my life lighter. Once you speak a secret, it holds less weight. It does not weigh me down anymore.
Currently, I’m even able to speak what I wish at different times. I can say I’m not in the mood and often give reasons for that too. And, if I’m really aroused, I can go up to my husband and ask for sex. That is a big hurdle to take, even today, but I know the option is there. And he is always open to talking about it.

Sex is an Open Topic

My husband and I often talk and joke about sex. Nothing is taboo in our household. It is also why we felt at home at the munch we had visited. Finally, we were in the company of people who could appreciate our stance regarding sex and were willing to join in the conversation. In other situations, both my husband and I have to hold back. I can often come up with sex jokes when I’m somewhere in the vanilla world, but I know it won’t be appreciated. Many people aren’t open to discussing this publicly.
My husband and I are often watching television and saying to each other: ‘wow, she needs to get laid.’ My husband can tell me he finds a girl attractive, as can I with whomever I have in mind. There is very little jealousy for us. Of course, our relationship is open, and we hope to welcome new partners in the future.

Difficult but Necessary

Despite everything, talking about sex isn’t easy for me. Deep inside, I still feel like ‘good girls don’t talk about such things.’ I have evolved, though, and I feel much better and freer. I have grown as a person, and I’ve learned that the world doesn’t implode when you talk about sex. On the contrary, you might even get what you want gasp
I believe my marriage is strong precisely because we talk openly about sex and our wants and desires. I think many marriages would improve if people did this. Talking about sex is definitely not easy, but it’s necessary for every adult relationship.


TMA-sexualhealth

4 Comments

  1. I can totally relate to this, as talking about sex isn’t easy for me either, even though I am better now than I was years ago. I know I can talk to Master T about everything, but still have difficulties with it.
    ~ Marie

  2. This is so like my own experience – I felt that my esteem was damaged bu not being able to talk about kinky sex earlier – and my man was the first person who wanted to listen.
    And I love the non- jealousy thing u two have – that’s great
    May xx

  3. You make so many good points here about the way things are and the way society discourages us about talking about sex. It really inhibits things, or at least it did for me. I love that you are your husband were an immediate match in that sense and it is so important that it has allowed you to grow sexually in the way you want. Thank you so much for linking to Tell Me About Sexual Health. missy x

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