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How dark am I really, in the sense of my preferences regarding fiction or the TV shows I watch? I like to think that I’m bubbly and friendly and that the world is one happy place filled with unicorns and rainbows. But, unfortunately, life has dealt me many blows to show me that’s not the way it is. People can be mean and deceitful, and life events happen that turn your world upside down. If there’s something I have learned in life, it’s that you’d better be prepared because dark times are only the blink of an eye away. But I never thought I was much into dark stuff and crime. But is that so?
No Need for Romance
When I discussed this with my husband, he said: “No, you’re not really into crime. Then why do we watch so many crime shows on television? And you’re not a sweet and romantic person either. I’m more romantic than you are.” This is true. My husband’s the romantic one of us. He’ll say sweet words to me, but I hardly ever say them in return. Why would I bother? I’ve got work to do, computer games to play, don’t need that mumbo jumbo. Of course, I’m flattered when he says sweet words to me. I just never feel the need to say them back.
I remember twenty years ago, I was searching for fantasy books to read, and I came across the genre ‘dark fantasy.’ I discarded it immediately. That could never be for me. But in the end, I did read one, and I loved it. I read the ‘Black Jewels‘ series by Anne Bishop, and I loved everything about it. And let me tell you, they’re not for the faint of heart. So I was wrong about the genre not being for me.
Raised as a Good Girl
I think I have this idea because of how I was brought up. I was raised to be a good girl for the first ten years of my life. Behave well, don’t break your toys, don’t dirty or tear your clothes, don’t swear and don’t watch any violence on television. My mother would actively screen what we could watch and made sure the cartoons were safe and didn’t have any violence or mean characters in them. I was excellent at playing this part. I would be quiet, well-behaved and would definitely never talk back.
Writing Tame Stories
Somehow, I still today, at near age forty, have this idea of myself having to be this way. While you only need to read one or two of my stories to see that deep down inside, I’m not about being a good girl. Not in the way my mother pictured me to be, at least. And I could have written romance or sweet family stories. But no, I write erotica, and what you read on my blog is the censored variety. I have written way more extreme and dark tales.
Need for Evil
So yes, a big part of me is drawn towards crime and the darker side of the world. I loved writing ‘Making Lolita My Star,’ dark and evil though it is. The world is a dreary place, and even though I love my unicorn stuffies and looking at my bright pink accessories, I prefer reading and writing about dark places. The ones I create and where I’m in charge. And the only ‘good girl’ I am is when I’m on my knees for my husband.