Inseparable in my World: BDSM & Sex

BDSM and Sex

Picture of a woman in handcuffs caressing a red rose.

These two concepts, BDSM and sex, are inseparable in my world. When I first learned about sex as a teenager, I soon discovered S&M, and they became intertwined in every way possible. The one can not exist without the other. Yet I know this is not the case for everyone. How does that work? Are concepts like bondage and pain play sexual for me? Can they ever exist without a sexual component? Could I live without BDSM?

BDSM Without Sex

BDSM can be practised without sex. I know some people are in a love-relationship where one partner engages in acts of BDSM with a third partner. They often have the condition that there is no sex allowed. And that’s fine. As long as everybody is happy with this agreement, there is nothing wrong with this. I can imagine people long for pain or humiliation play where their main partner doesn’t feel comfortable in doing this. I don’t know enough about asexuality, but I reckon their play has less sex in it than mine. So yes, I presume there are forms of BDSM out there with little actual sex involved.

Bondage

However, I’m convinced that for most people, some degree of sexuality is involved in anything BDSM. When you look at bondage, to me that’s very sexual. The moment I see and smell rope, I feel tingles. Then, once my husband wraps it around my body, even if it’s only something as simple as the Texas Handcuffs, I get aroused. Nothing major or extravagant, but it’s there.
Bondage is not just rope on and around your body. It’s more.
An academic study has found that participants of a positive BDSM-session, one including bondage and/or pain play, showed lower levels of cortisol (so less stress) and higher levels of testosterone, which I think showed their sexual arousal.

Pain Play

I believe it’s essential to combine pain play with sex. No, not penis-in-vagina sex, but without any sexual feelings, this would be abuse.
For me personally, it took me a while to come to grips with this. I associated anything painful with just that: pain. I refused any play with whips for that reason. Why would you want to be hit with a crop for fun?
It took me many years to change my mind. The internet helped me tremendously in this development. Why did all those subs willingly submit to a spanking, even until their ass was bruised? There had to be something there.

And so, sparked by my curiosity, we began to explore pain play. And then, yes, I started to enjoy it, even crave it on days when we didn’t do it. The first hits hurt, even today, but I also know my pussy gets wet and the pain will soon transform into something pleasant. I’ve even reached spanking-induced orgasms. If there was no component of anything sexual, that could never be the case.

The Added Value

Sex and BDSM are 100% intertwined for me. Between my husband and I, there is always a component of BDSM in our sex. It could be only pinching a nipple just a tad too hard, or a slap somewhere, but it is present. When it isn’t physically there, I will bring it up in my fantasies. I think it’s safe to say I can and never will have vanilla sex.
Both bondage and pain play have a strong sexual component for me. I don’t think I would engage in them otherwise. BDSM brings an extra shine to my life.


6 Comments

  1. I absolutely love how we have similar and different views on this 🙂
    When we have sex there indeed is also always an element of BDSM present, even if it’s only me asking for permission to orgasm, but still we can separate the two from each other. But, your post made me think… if a whipping makes me wet, then that must be sexual too… thought-provoking!
    ~ Marie xox

    1. I’m happy we all see things differently ☺️ What a boring world it would become if we didn’t 😕
      Thanks for your comment 😊

      Lizblackx
  2. Pain is 100% sexual for me, but I can enjoy things like bondage and medical play without there being a sexual element. And, of course, it varies from partner to partner. So interesting to see that this is the case for other people as well.

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