We interpret the world by using stereotypes. You could even call it discrimination. This is not a bad thing. There simply isn’t enough time in the world to evaluate everyone on a personal level. Imagine walking through the street and knowing, and forming an opinion, on everyone’s backstory. You couldn’t. And next to that, your brain is lazy and makes assumptions. Some will be right, and some will be wrong. That’s what stereotypes and labels are for. Before meeting a stranger, we place them in a category and adapt our behaviour towards this new person. Then we’ll decide whether our assumptions were right and adjust our behaviour accordingly.
Right, that was a long introduction on a text about my labels. I’m quite certain people have particular ideas when they meet me, and not all of them positive. I think people see me as a know-it-all and anyone with a slight knowledge of BDSM will know that I’m a submissive. And there’s one label that I put on myself, that of a sex blogger. But let’s begin with the arrogant view I think people have.
Distant, and maybe even arrogant, that’s what I assume people think of me when they meet me for the first time. I’m not warm and friendly when meeting someone new. I’m quite stand-offish and won’t show you the real me until I think I can trust you.
Next to that, I have the installable need to show people how intelligent I am. This was instilled in my upbringing. I enjoyed being the smart one, and it became part of my personality.
When I just discovered the bimbo-fetish, I didn’t understand it. Why would you want to play dumb? My life had always been about the opposite, really.
So one day, when I was still working in retail, I decided to try a little experiment. What if I didn’t try to be intelligent the whole time, but played dumb a little. Nothing drastic, I just toned down my usual demeanour.
Instead of correcting customers and injecting random bits of knowledge here and there, I kept quiet.
It was wondrous. It felt kinder and sweeter since I didn’t need to be the smart-ass all the time. I don’t know if anyone noticed.
Of course, I reverted back to my old ways after those two days, but I do remember it as a fun experiment.
Anyone who’s familiar with BDSM and is around me for more than five seconds will know that I’m a submissive.
I’m okay with that label. It’s who I am, it affects all I do. So overall, it makes sense.
I don’t like it when my submissiveness is being misused. I mean, the average salesperson may not know it’s BDSM, but he does see an impressionable woman. Because yes, that’s what I am. It’s easy to overwhelm me, and in some respects, I’m even naive.
Also in work situations, many people have taken advantage of my submissiveness. Yes, I have the need to serve and help, but that doesn’t mean I should be the one who works all the impossible shifts.
So it’s okay if you want to label me as a sub, but remember I’m a grown woman too who deserves respect.
The label ‘sex blogger’ I have put on myself. I’ve chosen this career. With everything going on the past few months, I’ve considered this label a lot. Do I still want to be a sex blogger? Am I one even? Is it time for me to end this line of writing and venture into safer waters?
The answer is simple: yes, I still want to be a sex blogger. There is no other subject that fascinates me more than sex. Yes, I could probably write about books or music, but I know I wouldn’t be able to keep it up.
Not all my posts are about sex, that’s true. But more often than not, one of the paragraphs in a secular piece is about something sexual. That’s the way it is in my life: it’s part of me, of everything. It’s woven entirely in the fabric of my life.
The mere fact that I’ve kept up this blog for more than a year is very telling. I’ve been reviewing sex toys for eight years already, and still, I haven’t had enough of it. The same goes for me writing sex stories. I’ve been doing that for more than twenty years too, and still, my inspiration hasn’t dried up. When not looking to publish, just for fun, I write sex stories.
I know I won’t have a sex blog forever. Technologies change, I change. At this moment, it is the label that I feel most comfortable with. It gives me the freedom to publish what I want about the subjects I want to talk about. Even when it’s a week filled with blogs about cross-stitching, Animal Crossing and tarot.
More Than Just Labels
Labels make us understand an incomprehensible world. Label me as a distant, arrogant, submissive know-it-all, and base your opinions on that. Talk to me, more than once, and you might be surprised. Me spouting knowledge everywhere is more a defence mechanism than anything else.
Assume I’m just a submissive, and you might be surprised too. I’m not a doormat, and I can be feisty and even funny sometimes.
Yes, I’m a sex blogger, but I can talk and write about other subjects as well.
Labels have a place in the world but don’t forget I’m more than just my labels. As I’m sure, you are too.
This was really interesting Liz and some of those labels that you feel others put upon you – “Label me as a distant, arrogant, submissive know-it-all” – I really don’t see. I liked hearing about your bimbo experiment and I do think it is interesting that we often fall to things in our submissive space which are the opposite of what we are usually like. Thank you for linking up 🙂
Like you I can be quite naive and easily overwhelmed, and I don’t like when people take advantage of my submissiveness. I still have difficulty coming up for myself in a work environment, but am slowly learning. And like you say, you are more than your labels, as am I and everyone else we see. We just need to be reminded of that every now and then 🙂
Yeah, I hate having to admit I’m naive, but it’s true.
We just need to remind ourselves that we are more than just submissives ??