Playtime in BDSM: Why Do We Call It ‘Play’?

Play in BDSM

Photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash
Photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash

Many people, myself included, talk about ‘play’ when talking about BDSM-related interactions. This has always struck me as odd. It’s not just a game to me. It’s part of my personality, part of who I am. And trust me, no matter how much I enjoy being spanked, it really does hurt. So why do we continue to call it ‘play?’

It’s Not, Really

When I’m in a D/s situation with my Dominant where I submit, more often than not, it’s not a conscious move on my part. My submission is an integral part of me that I choose to let out at times like this. For a short period, I don’t have to be the sensible, independent woman I strive to be in daily life. Instead, I let go, kneel and submit to my Dominant’s wishes. If there’s one thing I desire, it’s genuineness, so I can’t submit to someone who’s just assuming a role. To both of us, this ‘play’ is an expression of who we really are inside.

Designates a Change

By talking about our ‘play’ in that term, we designate it as a different activity than putting out the garbage or watching TV together. We understand each other, and so do other people in the community.

Different Roles

Even though it’s real to us, we do take on other roles than the ones the outside world knows and sees. They are part of our personalities, of course, but in a way, it’s a role we play. Sometimes we change into different outfits. For me, it usually means I’m naked, but even that change signifies something has changed. It makes it easier to submit for me.

Games

Within our play, there can also be games, of course. During our last spanking, my Dominant had come up with an especially devious one. He gave me a list from one to four. The list went like this:

  1. Thigh
  2. Pussy
  3. Tits
  4. Face slap

With every next spank, I was to call out a number for where it would hit. It was a hell of a choice because all of them were equally painful, and having to choose is extremely difficult for your mind. It’s one of those deliciously evil choices.

Why do I need to choose? Why do I even want this? Why can’t I just like normal things? Two, I choose two!

Yup, It’s Still ‘Play’

So yes, even though BDSM is part and parcel of our lives and personalities, we still call our time together ‘play.’ It designates a time and space when both, or more, partners choose to take on their part and interact that way. It’s not always fun, it can be intense and challenging, but for us in the community, it’s what we need. When I haven’t played for a long time, I crave it. I long for the different headspace and for the feeling of letting go. And yes, that also counts for times when I’m made to play devious evil games. ‘Play’ is not always fun and games…


4 Comments

  1. We also call it play, even though it’s definitely not play to us. To both of us it’s also part of our personalities, so part of who we are, but I think indeed we call it ‘play’ because that’s the time we take away from the every day demands and stresses and focus entirely on each other.
    ~ Marie

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